Conversation Stopper
So, I'm at a coffee shop right now... yes I know very unlike me:) But anyway, I was standing in line and this coffee guy asked the man in front of me, a freindly conversation starting question... "so you going on any vacations this summer?"... long pause from the man in front of me and then "I'm going back to vermont to spread my mothers ashes next week." Coffee guy, "Oh" (head down, pulling a shot of espesso for a longer than normal time). And then the man in front of me, "you didn't know?" Coffee guy, "no, I haven't seen you around much lately." From there the conversation got a bit more akward and then a bit back to normal as they tried to end on a good note. Things like, "did she pass peacefully?" and "ya, it's been a really incredible experience." And things like that.
It's just we all ask questions about life and I think we mostly just want the surface. "How are you doing?" "Good, you?" "Good. How about that (insert weather term here)?" I do it, you do it, we all live on that level, and in someways that is OK. I mean we shouldn't just throw down the gauntlet every time about all the crap in our lives and why it has been hard... or should we? With who should we? With who shouldn't we? "Don't air your dirty laundry." What's that all about?
The reason the conversation above strikes me so much is that the same types of things get played out in my life daily. The question of the semester has been, "How's Abby doing?" I understand the line of reasoning behind the question, the desire to connect and show concern. And to be honest I love it when people ask, but I just don't know how to respond. "Do you really want to know?" is what I hear in my head. I hear that a lot in my head from a lot of different questions. And I know the answer too, it is because of community, or lack there of in my life. No, I'm not a hermit, and yes I do get out and socalize quite often. But it doesn't really seem like true community and true community is the quest of my life right now. Probably always will be my quest.
I just so want to be apart of a true loving, Christ centered, community. I've seen it in the past, in BIG ways too. But it always wans to the business of life, the constant demands of our time. I've seen it when people poured out love for our family when Abby was diagnosed, I've seen it when people spontaneously got together to make pasta and have a party. When, kids at my school raised over 10k combined last semester for Abby. I've seen it in the little and the big, and I want to see it more. I want to see long lines at the coffee shop where people are not just there to get coffee, but to talk. Whe they wait 10 minutes with a smile on there face because people in front of them are engaged with each other on a real level. Where causual questions that turn deep are not awkwardly passed over but are genuinely felt. And where I, with all my insecurities, will participate with reckless abandonment as well.
How about you? How about community? What are we going to do? How can we spread the real person, the relationship with Christ that we have, to our communities in a real way?
Yup, that's meeee
It's just we all ask questions about life and I think we mostly just want the surface. "How are you doing?" "Good, you?" "Good. How about that (insert weather term here)?" I do it, you do it, we all live on that level, and in someways that is OK. I mean we shouldn't just throw down the gauntlet every time about all the crap in our lives and why it has been hard... or should we? With who should we? With who shouldn't we? "Don't air your dirty laundry." What's that all about?
The reason the conversation above strikes me so much is that the same types of things get played out in my life daily. The question of the semester has been, "How's Abby doing?" I understand the line of reasoning behind the question, the desire to connect and show concern. And to be honest I love it when people ask, but I just don't know how to respond. "Do you really want to know?" is what I hear in my head. I hear that a lot in my head from a lot of different questions. And I know the answer too, it is because of community, or lack there of in my life. No, I'm not a hermit, and yes I do get out and socalize quite often. But it doesn't really seem like true community and true community is the quest of my life right now. Probably always will be my quest.
I just so want to be apart of a true loving, Christ centered, community. I've seen it in the past, in BIG ways too. But it always wans to the business of life, the constant demands of our time. I've seen it when people poured out love for our family when Abby was diagnosed, I've seen it when people spontaneously got together to make pasta and have a party. When, kids at my school raised over 10k combined last semester for Abby. I've seen it in the little and the big, and I want to see it more. I want to see long lines at the coffee shop where people are not just there to get coffee, but to talk. Whe they wait 10 minutes with a smile on there face because people in front of them are engaged with each other on a real level. Where causual questions that turn deep are not awkwardly passed over but are genuinely felt. And where I, with all my insecurities, will participate with reckless abandonment as well.
How about you? How about community? What are we going to do? How can we spread the real person, the relationship with Christ that we have, to our communities in a real way?
Yup, that's meeee
posted by Mark Schreiber @ 9:54 AM
2 Comments:
At 7:40 AM,
H. West said…
Hey Schreiber-
Its been a while since I checked your blog, so this comment seems a little late, but thats okay. I try not to worry about being conventional, or even logical for that matter. But what you are saying really resonates. These are questions that I often wonder about. I don't know. I'm not sure what i'm wanting to say, but I have just been thiking lately, there are times when I just want to say "hey! I'm here. Yeah." maybe with no pariticular thing to say, but just a simple "me too". so, hey, me too.
I am so glad to have both you and tiff as teachers, gladly now simply life teachers, no grades. it is so bizzare how God brings people together and uses them in each other in such crazy, crazy ways.
Heidi
At 11:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
Mark-
I feel that. As a minister I am constantly engaged in the activity of trying to connect and encourage that "real" community. It's so funny because I see so many, even within the congregation, who are physically and socially present but emotionally and spiritually walled-up and lonely. Yet at the same time they don't know how to stop their own contributions to the thick surface layer they are creating around themselves. They don't seem to understand that the same feelings exist behind the other person's surface as well. So they talk from behind a double-thick wall.
I think you made a keen, though perhaps inadvertent, observation when you noted the times when you remember feeling real community. It is found in those times when we forget to put on the false surface of our own because we are so focused on reaching someone else behind theirs.
It's also interesting that just before checking your BLOG that I was reading some things about generational studies and how to reach out to each. This BLOG entry perfectly captured one of the hallmark feelings of our generation. You're not the only one feeling this. And so in our loneliness, we are not alone. And that, to me, is, in some small way, reassuring. There are many of us out here who desperately want that community you described.
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