Abby iPod Nov, 2004 

Ever feel like you’re in a movie:

Things have been pretty surreal lately, really vivid you know, sharp colors and really feeling the cold and sun on my skin. Do you ever feel that way, like everything is just so vivid? I took a walk the other day, up in the foothills near our house. It was pretty muddy from the melting snow but the sun was still out and I just felt like I had to get out in nature. As I was walking, I felt like I everything was jumping out at me, I was very aware of my glasses frames, and the sound that my feet were making on the muddy gravel path. It was the coolest thing, and I’ve had lots of these types of experiences lately. I feel very alive. I think a part of it is because I can’t really live “in the middle” any more. I’m dealing with powerful stuff here, powerful emotions, powerful love of the people around me, powerful sadness, and yet an extreme sense of peace. I can’t just “get through” the days any more, or pretend that life is “ok” and that is a great thing for me. Maybe you don’t feel the same way, I don’t know, but for me I am soooooo glad that God has given my family such a wake up call to see what this life really has to offer, the hurts, the beauty, all of it. Nature, the way the snow clings to the branches, how drenched we feel in love from all of you out there, even Abby’s hard days… all of it such and awesome example of God in our midst!

As you can see, love being outside, so does Abby. All summer we would go over to the park, or find a short trail near our house to take a walk on. Her favorite thing at the park to do is climb things that kids her age should not be climbing on. And if she is in a really good mood she’ll catch my eye with hers and then jump to me, hopefully I have a free hand or two; pretty fearless little girl really. She also does this at home, usually from the landing of our stairs she’ll just jump to me, a good 7 stair leap, with reckless abandonment. I love that my daughter can teach me about faith from her playing and I think I might just be ‘getting it’ now. There is a lot of trust in that little girl and a lot of faith. Maybe it takes something like this to happen to us to get rid of those calluses that have formed from our reaction to the hurt in life. Maybe things like this happen so that we won’t continue to live in the middle, always keeping things in order, in control, so that we can save ourselves a little pain. Maybe I need to take a page out of my little girl’s book, learn to just catch God’s eye and leap.

Today Abby jumped to me on the stairs, only one stair but I bet it seemed like 10 to her… It makes me smile to see her playing like this again, to see her not becoming callus from this new lifestyle that she has been thrown into. I can’t wait to continue to see her get her climbing spirit back and also see her throw her self back into things with the same type of faith and trust as I’ve seen from her in the past. Maybe not the full 7 stairs, I don’t know if I trust myself for her sake, but definitely that same spirit.

So, as you may know if you follow this blog, I haven't posted for a while. I probably won't be posting on this site for a while more till things calm down. My daughter was just diagnosed with Leukemia at the tender young age of 2 & 1/2, well almost 3. If you want to be praying for her or just see her progress then go ahead and get on abbyupdate.blogspot.com .

Thanks I may ramble on this from time to time but most of my energy will be spent on taking care of my family, and updating her page with new info and thoughts.

Nothing profound to say, except "...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

Till later